Friday, February 28, 2014

My hidden struggle

I tend to keep a lot of things to myself.  I don't feel it is necessary for everyone to know about struggles I may be facing at the moment.  And I really debated awhile about re-starting this blog. 
How much should I share and what am I comfortable sharing?  
Those close to me know that I get Migraines, some days you just can't hide that fact.  The extent of how they consumed me was never shared with anyone, and until recently my own husband never knew what I went through almost daily.
As far back as I remember I have had headaches.  I can still remember coming home from the park as a little girl and needing to lay in bed and sleep with a cold cloth over my eyes.
As an adult they went from occasional headaches to almost daily.  I would wake up in the morning and know at that moment what would get me through the day.  A great day was 2 Advil after breakfast and i would be good to go.  A good day called for a stronger prescription strength (those were the ones I would get for a toothache or something and save just for my headaches) and a bad day was when I had to bring out the big guns.  I would normally need a refill every month. And I would never leave the house without them.  Very rare was there a day that I didn't have some kind of pounding going on in my head.  I didn't want to be that person who was always complaining about something hurting so I never said anything except to my doctor.  I couldn't hide the bad days though because those days I felt like my head was going to explode and they were the days that I couldn't hold back the tears, even though that made my head throb even more.  I remember one day, the kids just would not stop making noise and all I wanted to do was close my eyes.  I went into the bathroom, sat on the floor with the lights out and just cried.  This was my normal.
And then one day they just stopped.  They became less and less and I realized it when I opened my drawer and saw my Migraine pills.  When was the last time I renewed my prescription?  OMG....what is going on.  When I sat down to think about it I realized that it was shortly after I started getting myself healthy.  All I can figure was that something I was doing before was causing them and when I changed and stopped drinking soda, cutting out bad fast food and yes started drinking my shakes they went away.  Was I doing something that had caused my headaches?  All I know is that I never want to go back to that again so that means that I will never stop doing what I am doing now.  No soda,  it could have been something in there,. No McDonalds, maybe the fries or horrible meat caused them. Keep drinking my shakes because maybe my body was missing something that they have.  I have no idea.  All I know is that I feel like I have my life back and I don't want to give it back.
It has been 2 years since I have had a Migraine.   

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